If you enjoy, abhor or are simply bored with the hype surrounding Big Data, Data Warehousing and Analytics, then you might just hate these less than faithful quotes as well.

If you enjoy one or two of the quotes, well, then thats an acceptable bonus too.

So, to begin at the beginning

Data Sources

My data sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. Ashleigh Brilliant

I give no data sources, because it is indifferent to me whether what data I have sourced has already been sourced before me by another. Ludwig Wittgenstein

In the kitchen of a great Data Warehouse, the data source chef is a soloist. Fernand Point

It is better to be hated for what data sources you have than to be loved for what data sources you do not have. Andr Gide

In England, there are sixty different types of Data Warehouse and only one data source. Attributed to Voltaire

It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data sources. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes

From such a gentle thing, from such a source of all data, my every pain is born. –Michelangelo

Noise free data is a source of great strength. Lao Tzu

In three words I can sum up everything Ive learned about data: it goes on. Robert Frost

Data enrichment improves a mighty fine data source Anonymous

Big Data

Junk food, empty calories and carbs are the Big Data of the masses Karl Marx

We live, I regret to say, in an age of Big Data hype. Oscar Wilde

We are not rich by the Big Data we possess but by what Big Data we can do without. Immanuel Kant

He who has Big Data hype on his side has no need of proof. Theodor Adorno

The religion of Big Data sets itself the goal of fulfilling mans unattainable desires, but for that very reason ignores her attainable needs. Ludwig Feuerbach

The flesh endures the storms of the present alone; the mind in our social network interactions, those of the past and future as well as the present. Big Data is a covetousness of the mind. Thomas Hobbes

Big Data is negative and dialectical, because it resolves the determinations of the understanding of things into nothings. Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

I am trapped in this Big Data, and there is nothing I can do about it. Dudley Moore

And remember, never take the ruby case off your iPad for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Big Data Witch of the West. The Wizard of Oz

Imagine theres no Big Data John Lennon

Data Transformation

Analysis does not transform data. Jiddu Krishnamurtu

I live in a data landscape, which every single day of my life is enriching data. Daniel Day-Lewis

Data opportunities multiple as the data is transformed Sun Tzu

He who integrates data badly is lost. Theodor Adorno

Today we transform the data; tomorrow, the whole enchilada Leon Trotsky

Well, its all about the ETL law of the transformation of data quantity into data quality, and vice versa. Innit! Friedrich Engels

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Consent

The Management Consultants have only interpreted the business data, in various ways. The point, however, is to transform it. Karl Marx

Hey! Whats going down here in the Hollyweird of data? Joe McCarthy

The Big Data alchemists in their transformational search for gold discovered much data of greater value. Arthur Schopenhauer

That Schopenhauer yolk was a bit of an old Big Data procurer wasnt he now Rodge? Pdraig Judas OLeprosy

Business Intelligence

The trouble with the world is that the cocksure have Big Data and that Business Intelligence is all sexed up. Bertrand Russell

If people never did silly things no Business Intelligence would ever get done. Ludwig Wittgenstein

The best Business Intelligence user is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk. –Alben W Barkley

The Master said, If your conduct is determined solely by considerations of Business Intelligence and profit you will arouse great resentment. Confucius

Thats cricket, Harry, you get these sort of things in Business Intelligence Frank Bruno

Business Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. Salvador Dali

I would prefer a Business Intelligence hell to a Big Data paradise. Blaise Pascal

Many much-learned business men have no Business Intelligence. Democritus

We should not only use the brains we have, but all that we can borrow. Woodrow Wilson

The reason we have Business Intelligence is so we dont have to think all the time Homer Simpson

Data Warehousing

The study of Data Warehousing, like the Nile, begins in Inmon and ends in magnificence. Charles Caleb Colton

Big Data wins games, but Data Warehousing wins championships. Michael Jordan

Big Data is no substitute for Data Warehousing. Frank Herbert

Its in me blood, Clive, without Data Warehousing Id be nothing, Alan Latchley

The trouble with the world is that the cocksure have Big Data and that Business Intelligence is all sexed up. Bertrand Russell

If people never did silly things no Business Intelligence would ever get done. Ludwig Wittgenstein

The best Business Intelligence user is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk. –Alben W Barkley

You can catch all the whales in the ocean and stack them together and they still do not make a minnow. Ralph Wiggum

Well, the smarter I practice Inmon Data Warehousing, the luckier I get. Gary Player

Well, Ive cleaned up facts and dimensions in a star-schema data warehouse. That was pretty terrible. But I cant complain because Im sure other people have done worse. Cee Lo Green

You can give a person a bowl of Big Data Gruel and feed them for a day, or teach them Inmon Data Warehousing and feed them for a lifetime. Proverb

A Data Warehouse is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until you are in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt

, , . , , . An Oracle to Croesus of Lydia